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The following is a post I had on a seed a couple days ago. Wanted to put it somewhere where I could find it whenever I needed a good laugh. I changed a couple things from the original post, but it's the same for the most part. Enjoy!
Anyone recognize a theme? Things get pretty funny at chapter 26...
003.032:Say: "Obey Allah and His Messenger": But if they turn back, Allah loveth not those who reject Faith.
...which is contrary to the christian god yahweh, who loves everybody...yahweh just wants you to love him. Allah and mohammad are equals...
003.132:And obey Allah and the Messenger; that ye may obtain mercy.
I said, allah and mohammad are equals…
004.013-14:Those are limits set by Allah: those who obey Allah and His Messenger will be admitted to Gardens with rivers flowing beneath, to abide therein (for ever) and that will be the supreme achievement. But those who disobey Allah and His Messenger and transgress His limits will be admitted to a Fire, to abide therein: And they shall have a humiliating punishment.
Obey me...and don't disobey me...
004.059:O ye who believe! Obey Allah, and obey the Messenger, and those charged with authority among you. If ye differ in anything among yourselves, refer it to Allah and His Messenger, if ye do believe in Allah and the Last Day: That is best, and most suitable for final determination.
...and those charged with authority among you...who at this time is nobody, because it's only ME!
004.069:All who obey Allah and the messenger are in the company of those on whom is the Grace of Allah,- of the prophets (who teach), the sincere(lovers of Truth), the witnesses (who testify), and the Righteous (who do good): Ah! what a beautiful fellowship!
005.092:Obey Allah, and obey the Messenger, and beware (of evil): if ye do turn back, know ye that it is Our Messenger's duty to proclaim (the message)in the clearest manner.
008.001:They ask thee concerning (things taken as) spoils of war. Say: "(such) spoils are at the disposal of Allah and the Messenger: So fear Allah, and keep straight the relations between yourselves: Obey Allah and His Messenger, if ye do believe."
Yo...go steal me some shi'ite...and remember, it's for the big a and me...
008.020:O ye who believe! Obey Allah and His Messenger, and turn not away from him when ye hear (him speak).
To whom is the party I am speaking? Yo, did he just say hear him speak? Allah or mo? I think I know who…
008.024:O ye who believe! give your response to Allah and His Messenger, when He calleth you to that which will give you life; and know that Allah cometh in between a man and his heart, and that it is He to Whom ye shall(all) be gathered.
Big a and me...um, I...um, will give you life...
008.027:O ye that believe! betray not the trust of Allah and the Messenger, nor misappropriate knowingly things entrusted to you.
Isn't omnipotent allah going to know if someone has betrayed his trust? I know paranoid, untrusting mo won't...them sumbiches how you doing jackie gleason...but wouldn't allah?
008.046:And obey Allah and His Messenger; and fall into no disputes, lest ye lose heart and your power depart; and be patient and persevering: For Allah is with those who patiently persevere:
Power departs...Pretty much what happened between siege of vienna (someone go look that shi'ite up!) and 9/11...
024.047:They say, "We believe in Allah and in the messenger, and we obey": but even after that, some of them turn away: they are not (really)Believers.
Why doesn't anyone believe me?
024.051:The answer of the Believers, when summoned to Allah and His Messenger, in order that He may judge between them, is no other than this: they say, "We hear and we obey": it is such as these that will attain felicity.
See...the true believers obey...submit...
024.052:It is such as obey Allah and His Messenger, and fear Allah and do right, that will win (in the end),
024.054:Say: "Obey Allah, and obey the Messenger: but if ye turn away, he is only responsible for the duty placed on him and ye for that placed on you. If ye obey him, ye shall be on right guidance. The Messenger's duty is only to preach the clear (Message).
But enough about me, let's talk about me...
024.056:So establish regular Prayer and give regular Charity; and obey the Messenger; that ye may receive mercy.
Yo...where the fuk did allah go?
Listen up y'all...I got somethin' to say:
026.108:"So fear Allah, and obey me.
You feelin' me?
026.110:"So fear Allah, and obey me."
...did I stutter?
026.126:"So fear Allah and obey me.
Are you listening to me?
026.131:"Now fear Allah, and obey me.
I said, are you listening to ME!?!
026.144:"So fear Allah, and obey me.
Hey, yo! Is this thing on?
026.150:"But fear Allah and obey me;
Bueller...
026.163:"So fear Allah and obey me.
Bueller...
026.179:"So fear Allah and obey me.
Anyone? Anyone?
036.020:Then there came running, from the farthest part of the City, a man, saying, "O my people! Obey the messengers:
I'm just like those guys...some guy, in some town said so...
036.025:"For me, I have faith in the Lord of you (all): listen, then, to me!"
Mutherfuk'rs...you want me to do chapter 26 again?
043.063:When Jesus came with Clear Signs, he said: "Now have I come to you with Wisdom, and in order to make clear to you some of the (points) on which ye dispute: therefore fear Allah and obey me.
It's not just me...That jc guy has a me complex too...
047.033:O ye who believe! Obey Allah, and obey the messenger, and make not vain your deeds!
049.014:The desert Arabs say, "We believe." Say, "Ye have no faith; but ye (only)say, 'We have submitted our wills to Allah,' For not yet has Faith entered your hearts. But if ye obey Allah and His Messenger, He will not belittle aught of your deeds: for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
049.015:Only those are Believers who have believed in Allah and His Messenger, and have never since doubted, but have striven with their belongings and their persons in the Cause of Allah: Such are the sincere ones.
Only the sincere believers believe me...
071.003:"That ye should worship Allah, fear Him and obey me.
Be scared of that mofo, cuz he's got my back, yo...do what I sez...
And just to break up the monotonous monotany, I threw in this gem...
003.101:And how would ye deny Faith while unto you are rehearsed the Signs of Allah, and among you Lives the Messenger? Whoever holds firmly to Allah will be shown a way that is straight.
Rehearsed...yo, I got you smackin your brains on the ground 5 times a day, 24/7/365, pounding that shi'ite in...are you feeling me yet? Repetition is the key!
...and mohammad is his messenger. 5 times a day? We fight for sarumon...
